Tuesday, September 28, 2010

A Weak Weekend

My first weekend "on a mission" ended up being a bust. I got back into the old habits of eating one meal instead of eating regularly, and I gave in to chocolate cake. I couldn't help it! I swear it was calling my name and before I knew it I had a bite in my mouth. Granted it was delicious and completely satisfying, I knew I shouldn't have eaten it.

While I did mess up I am trying not to make myself feel guilty. During my last weight loss journey I was great at making myself feel guilty for every time I ate something that wasn't "healthy." My goal this time is to be healthy and lose weight and not feel terrible if I eat something "bad."

So while I don't plan to go into the bakery and order one of everything, I will enjoy life and not miss out on the hidden pleasures, but in moderation.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Certified Chocolate Addict

It's been a few days and so far I am doing decent. I can't say great because Lord knows I could improve my eating. My biggest weakness right now isn't the fact that I want french fries, it isn't the need for a cheeseburger ... but instead it is the sweets. I love love love chocolate and I am a certified chocolate addict. I mean I am fat, I have to love to eat. haha.

I bought some 100 calorie packs of chocolate goodness in hopes that it will help soothe the craving. Unfortunately this week, I haven't exactly just had one. Maybe it is because it is my TOM or whatever, but the craving has been insane. I mean I have even waited for an extended period of time to make sure that I really want chocolate. I heard that is one way to help curb the desire. Even an hour later, I was still wanting to eat something sweet. Hopefully next week it will be better.

I have cut my calories back significantly. I am watching what I eat, and working on eating more veggies and fruit. I think I am on the right path, just need to focus on adding exercising and stuff like that.

For anyone who reads, how do you deal with chocolate cravings?

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

It all begins ...

They say that there is always a moment that sparks your weight loss journey, or makes you make the change that you haven't been able to do before. I'd like to say I have a "moment" but I'm not exactly sure what it is.

Recently I started realizing how much weight I have actually put on. No, I haven't seen the number (in fact I am scared to stop on the scale) but I have see the size of my pants, I have felt what it feels like when your clothes start getting to small, and I have seen myself in the mirror and thought ... wow this can't be me.

About two years ago I completely gave up. I was doing so well, lost a lot of weight and went from wearing a size 22 women's to a size 14 misses. I was continuing to make awesome strides and feeling amazing. Then, it happened. My world was rocked and my grandmother passed away. While I hadn't completely given up, I did notice an increase in chocolate consumption and more fast food. I tried to be at least somewhat healthy and tried to convince myself that it was OK to put on a few pounds after a tragic loss.

I stayed pretty close to my weight and then suddenly my world was rocked again. I got a phone call exactly five months (to the day) that my mother was found dead. This tore me to pieces and even a year and half later I am still trying to put those pieces together. My life was shattered and I just wanted to give up. My lunches and dinners were nothing but fast food or frozen dinners. I basically quit cooking. I tried to soothe my tears with Ben & Jerry's and anything chocolate or sugary.

This went on for a really long time. The pounds came on like the tears poured down my face. I felt completely alone and all I had were my friends chocolate and fried. I never thought I would ever get back to that place, but then again I never expected severe depression to attack.

Now it has been about 2 years and my life hasn't changed all that much. I am working on my depression and don't cry nearly as much as I did, I am surrounded by great friends, and I am finally finding my motivation to go back to the gym and eat healthy.

I started this blog to tell my story and share my struggles. It will also share awesome finds, great products, recipes and hopefully some awesome giveaways. Please join me for this journey and if you are on one yourself, lets encourage one another!